There is someone on twitter who follows everyone I follow. EVERYONE. I’m talking about even the people I was internet friends with before joining twitter, my coworkers and I just want to know WHY

I discovered this a long time ago but I still think about it a lot.

• Thank you for watching my video and sorry if the audio was bad I still haven’t watched it myself.
• If you didn’t watch it I talked about how I’m against straight marriage and a couple of other comics after me talked about how they think being straight is gross I’m starting a movement you guys.
• I want to do some sort of character for my next new set but I don’t even know where to begin with it.
• Next year in early March my sister and her husband are moving in my parents house for a couple months to save money and we’re all going to be roomies how dum
• Did I tell you guys my sister is pregnant with twins? I want them to call me Aunt Jackie.
• I’m gonna watch all of season two of Roseanne to prepare for my Dan Connor costume for tomorrow.
• Over on dr pepper’s website you can make a tshirt that says, “I’m a…” and you fill in the blank and I can’t wait to show you guys what I got on it.

• I don’t like going to the bathroom at work because we share it with the customers and it’s gross. Yesterday I had to poop and I didn’t want to go there so I just told my manager I wasn’t feeling good and left early.
• As humorous as I think it is to talk about poop I don’t ever go in public.
• I have a show on sunday and I have new material that I really like and this might be the first time I’m 100% confident in my set and I really want all of my friends to be there. Now at the same time I keep laughing at the idea of me bombing the first time I’m confident in my set.
• I’ve noticed some confidence in myself which is something I’m not used to.
• I walked into the living room and my dad was watching the debate and Mitt Romney was talking and I pointed to the tv and said, “spooky” and then just sat down.

• when I wrote my sad post I, at the time, wasn’t sad but it was something I needed to get off of my chest and I feel a lot better.
• I call sleater kitty, “little” and I don’t even remember the last time I called her sleater kitty.
• for my pops’ birthday we are getting him an iphone because he always ends up with some lame hand-me-down phone. I’m happy we are getting him this because he always doesn’t care for what we get him ahaha
• I am getting myself an iphone 5 with my upgrade and will still be pretty poor for the rest of october and the rest of my life
• I follow a couple of people who are really into one direction and that’s fine but I feel like I know every single thing about that group and I can even name them all
• also I don’t care what you reblog because it’s your blog but can we collectively delete the bottom text of a pic that says, “follow this blog you’ll love it on your dash” because that shit is fucking annoying and there’s a content source for a reason
• Did I tell you guys I’m going to be Dan Connor for halloween?

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html

I don’t feel like typing anything out right now so I’ll just post this link to this girls blogpost that currently describes my life right now except for the happy ending. 

• I had to do laundry at a friends cause our washing machine is still broke and I don’t know when will be fixed. 
• Our dishwasher has been broken for about a year now, maybe longer which means the same can go for the washer.
• I don’t know why I’m posting this.
• It is boring and unnecessary. 
• I’m at that stage of depression in which I don’t care about anything and won’t get help cause I don’t think I deserve it.

• Lately, before I make any decision big or small the number 23 pops in my head (which is how old I am/turned two months ago) and I stop and think if I’m doing the adult thing which is fucking lame.
• My bank gave me an extra $500 credit on my credit card and at first I thought about all of the stuff I wanted to buy and than 23 popped into my head and now I got glasses with a new prescription. I have a new face now.
• I also bought new work shoes and I’m going to buy new work clothes being an adult suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.
• I’ve been watching some of the olympics which I find interesting even though I’m usually the type of asshole that’s like “ugh this is so boring” but I realized the people that say that are usually uninteresting, boring pieces of shit.
• I’m pretty sure our air conditioner is broken which is great because it’s supposed to be really hot this week.

• I will have roughly spent around $300 of my own hard working cashier money on my comedy show in my backyard (that is happening this saturday!)
• My mom keeps asking me how many people are coming and it’s starting to get annoying cause like I don’t know; people will say they’ll come and don’t, some will bring friends. It’s not like a fucking wedding or anything.
• I’ve never had a party at my house or friends over and I realize now this is why.
• My mom also asked me if anyone was helping me and I told her no and that kinda hurt cause it almost made it seem like she thought I couldn’t pull this off on my own. Well fuck you I can and I will.
• I’m in this local comedy group on facebook and I posted about the show (asking people to come and check it out) and this one dude I don’t know asked if he could be on it. What? No. I don’t know you. Also how does he feel comfortable doing that? I don’t even feel comfortable asking people I do know if I could do their show.

• On the 29th it will be six months since I started! Wooooo!!
• 10 shows under my belt so far. Not nearly as much as I’d like but still a nice start.
• I’ve done zero open mics and that makes me happy because open mics terrify me more than actual shows.
• This misogynist comedian called me and a couple of other girls ”twitter starlets” in a condescending way and said something like “if they actually went on stage and said a joke than I’d like to see what would happen”. Hey asshole instead of worrying about me how about you write a good fucking joke for once.
• I already get self-conscious when I’m the only girl comedian on the line up and now I have to worry about this asshole? Who I’ve met and was really nice to me in person! UGH
• Last night was the first time I ever canceled on a show. My bff was going through some really tough stuff and as soon as I found out about it my mood changed and I knew I couldn’t do the show. There was just no way I could be funny knowing what was going on and it wouldn’t be fair to the audience.
• I’m actually starting a comedy show in my backyard. The lights are fixed where the comedians would perform. I bought a microphone and my friend has a mic stand. I’m going to buy snacks and drinks. I already booked the comedians for that night. The only thing I’m waiting on about is the chairs; my friends mom hasn’t messaged me back if I could borrow them but if not I’ll borrow a bunch of random ones from family and friends. I’m really excited for this!

• I’m hosting a comedy show in LA tomorrow and I’m more nervous about that than any other show because if I do shitty I have to keep going back on stage!
• When I was 17 my birthday was kind of treated like nothing (with my family) and I’ve treated it like nothing since then. I mean I go to dinner with my family and that’s it. Except this year is different and I’m finally happy and I actually planned something with a bunch of my friends and I’m really looking forward to it.
• I figured out people can find your tumblr via your twitter handle which is why I got a slew of new followers hi
• I have this friend that emails me once in a while to catch up on things and at the end of every, first, initial email she writes, “okay write back” as if I would never write back or like she’s a fan writing to some celebrity or something. I don’t know it makes me laugh every time.
• I’m supposed to be working on something else that’s due tomorrow and that is why this is so short okay bye