Every once in a while my work has these “associate appreciation days” in which we get an extra 10% off our purchase. (WOW I KNOW) These special days are usually on Saturdays the day after we get paid. SO CONVENIENT RIGHT AND NOT AT ALL A COINCIDENCE
I have to call in tomorrow at 8:15 am to do that podcast I AM ALREADY SO TIRED 90% of the time when I post a tweet it’s usually when I’m bored at work and I’m not really allowed to be on my phone so I post it and then put it back in my pocket and never see @ replies until late. I just don’t want people to think I’m a dick for not responding to them. My friend told...
I managed to somehow survive all weekend in Palm Desert despite forgetting my license and debit card. My vacation is over and I have to go back to work tomorrow and I’m working a lot of hours this week and I’m already tired oh god. I read somewhere that if you dream about someone it means that they miss you. I dreamt about a friend today and then later on they texted me. I wanted to...
Not getting booked on a show or not even getting a response when you ask to be booked on a show please say the first one or else my heart will be CRUSHED
Thank you all for your suggestions about the weekly article. Hopefully I will get the opportunity to write about all of those topics but this isn’t even for a little while now so who knows. You are all peaches. My favorite/least favorite suggestion was “candy” because now I want some.
If I were to have a weekly article in a online magazine what would you guys want me to talk about? It could literally be about anything as long as you know, it’s funny. Any suggestions?
At my last show I started my set by saying, “If you’re proud of me and you know it be my parents” and then pointed the microphone towards the audience thinking they wouldn’t say anything and I’d respond with, “Ok good they’re not here”. But instead they all woooed and cheered and I felt like I was on Saved By The Bell.
He got rid of the sunglasses everyone kept calling him bitch.– if you know where this is from let’s hang out everyday
I booked a show in LA at the end of the month
Friend: I saw your stand up video. I'm not surprised I'm just impressed.
Me: Whoa. Your compliments are making me uncomfortable I don't believe you.
Friend: Tracy you're the stupidest person alive.
Me: See that I believe.
lucas921 asked: BAHAHAHAH that was great. I love how you start with suicide and end with you jacking off on stage. Perfect. Post moreeeeeeeeeeeeee