Better than my parents finding it
Co-Worker: Hey I found your Twitter. Me: Great Co-Worker: Robin called me a faggot once and I said “psh look at yourself”. (In case you don’t understand the above conversation my bio on Twitter is: Batman called me a faggot once.)
still not sure
Me: Whats for dinner? Dad: American Me: What? Dad: What? Chinese Me: Did you say American is for dinner? Dad: Yeah Me: What does that even mean? Dad: I don’t know.
My favorite song by the Meat Puppets is a Rolling Stones cover. I feel fucking duped.
I don't know why this made me laugh
so hard but yesterday one of my favorite twitterers @AmberTozer sent me an email. I saw the notification but was at work all day so I couldn’t respond. I later got a text from her saying, “did you get my email”. Usually I text people back right away regardless if I’m at work or not but since it was busy I didn’t so a little while later she sends me another text,...
kwchu asked: Hi Tracy. Just wanted to drop by and remind you that your blog is still amazing. Also good job on that audition! I hope you made jokes that you wouldn't tweet because your Twitter is shit. (JK!)
I really hope everyone
is following @markleggett on Twitter. He is in my top ten favorite people on there but please don’t tell him that, he doesn’t deserve to know it. He also sends me the best DMs. Here are some favorite tweets from him: Surviving cancer is basically ignoring God’s friend request. Awkward. If you’re the type of person who doesn’t have a favourite dinosaur, go fuck yourself. Shut the fuck up...
Stand up mini update pt.2
I fucking finally went to my audition. I wasn’t even nervous the whole day like before but I became more and more nervous when I got there. I signed up on the list and there was only one other name on it. A couple minutes went by and another dude came in. Then the manager came and told us everything that would be going on and then we went inside the place. It’s a small club but I think...
mymorningabby asked: i TOTALLY relate to your post about unemployed parents. been there - it IS a struggle, but like you said in your list of things youve learned, youre stronger for it. and youre hysterical, so you win. also, ghost world is amazing.
"Your mom is no longer a loser"
-my dad on monday when he told me she got a job. I don’t know how many of you guys are aware of this but my parents both haven’t had jobs at the same time for almost three years and it has been a fucking terrible struggle. I learned a lot of things going through all of this and it’s probably made my whole family a lot stronger because of it. Shit I learned throughout it: I...
Dad (on the phone): Trace? Did you get out of work?
Me: Yeah I literally just got out right now what did you need?
Dad: Oooooh I thought you said you got out at 7:30.
Me: What? And you're barely calling right now?
Me: Why didn't I get a call at 8:00? 8:30? 9:00? 9:30? 10? 7:31?
Dad: hahahaha I guess I didn't miss you right away
Me: It takes three hours for you to miss me?
Me: Go to bed. Bye.
nanoblossom asked: TRACY GOD DAMN IT WHY CAN'T I RESPOND TO YOUR POSTS? I WANTED TO BRAG ON MY TRACY FAN ART!
jonjonbrown asked: Hi! What would you do if you were bit by a dog that you weren't exactly sure was really a dog?
I went to my first Mapping the Heavens show at UCB last November and that’s where I first met Rob Delaney, Kasey Anderson and Louis Peitzman. While talking to Kasey, Dave Holmes came up to us and started talking, mostly to Kasey cause they’re pals and stuff. Anyways, Rob walked by and told Dave, “Tracy is very funny on Twitter” and I responded with, “Yeah if you like diarrhea!”. Dave never...
I went to my audition to perform at the comedy club on Saturday. I was a complete nervous wreck and super tired because I worked 730-430 that day. The venue is two towns over and if you guys know me at all you know that I hate driving but have driven to that area once before (to hang with my favorite uggos Joseph and Ellie) so I knew I could muster up the strength and do it. Well when I got there...
I am very dumb
Anytime I couldn’t hang out with my friends for whatever reason one of them would text me and say, “Please come over Tracy please! I’m sooooo sad right now :( please!” and of course whatever I was doing wasn’t as important as my best friend being upset so I would go over and she would answer the door and say, “HI TRACY!!!” with the biggest smile on her face because she would fucking trick me into...
nanoblossom asked: This flower pot with your likeness is getting out of control. I've now Sainted you and started to add glitter.
brandonvaughn asked: We are now best friends.
kelsyabbott asked: why you such a tiny baaaaaby?
bottleofyourfavoritepoison replied to your photo: Ugh I guess I won’t be exercising today either!!! omg your cat looks dead I just checked and she’s not! Phew!!!
is my twitter in case you weren’t aware but I feel like everyone who follows me on here follows me on there so yeah. I’m lazy when it comes with following people back. Yeah it may seem like I follow a lot of people but I’ve been on Twitter since 08 and look where it got me!!!!!!!!!!
thisistotallymyhatnow asked: how do you have celebrities following you on tumblr qnd twitter? did you come out in something or are friends with famous people?
I’m 100% sure if I had a “cute” avatar for my Twitter I would have a lot more followers. Also does anyone else think it’s weird when a dude follows a bunch of girls? Like what does he think some girl is going to suck his dick cause he follows her? If you’re a guy and you do this please message me about why. I have to know! There is this dumb pawn show (not pawn...
I have a weird relationship with music. I never listen to anything “new”. Anything new that comes across my ears is usually something that was new five years ago. I think the last cd I bought was the Yeah Yeah Yeahs “It’s Blitz”. I did get The Strokes new cd but that’s only cause it was a birthday present or else I probably wouldn’t have gotten it for...
laurengberg asked: A little late here (I just remembered Tumblr was a thing) but goooooood luuuuuuck! Look how many people love and support you!! That says something. :)
kwchu asked: Good luck at your audition! Blow their minds with suicide and awkward!
And thanks for reading and liking my posts. You da best!
And thanks for reading and liking my posts. You da best!
wiigz asked: Tracy, I feel like you belong as a stand up comedienne, you are hilarious! Good luck with your audition next week, if they don't pick you to perform they are stupid :D