My fondest childhood memory is the first time I spanked it. Then Christmas presents.
- Me: Why are you laughing?
- Dad: I farted on the chair and then when I got up it smelled and your mom got mad.
Of course you can call me that.
When we hang out bring Rupert!!!
I bought Black Swan and a bottle of vodka today.
Also while driving I changed lanes without having a panic attack or nearly hitting someone.
everythangz lookin’ up!!!
I did thanks! While walking down the aisle I kept clutching the best mans arm so I wouldn’t fall all while smiling at everyones camera who was taking pictures. Oh and everyone laughed at my maid of honor speech! I wish I took more pictures but I know plenty of people took enough already.
- Me: You're getting married today, how do you feel?
- Sister: Gay.
calm down sexy
You’re welcome my sweet prince!
I found a place (a bar) that puts on stand-up shows near me! (I live about 40 minutes away from LA incase you were wondering). And the dude who was hosting the show is a mutual friend of mine. He lives in LA now but wants to bring stand-up out here. We talked for a bit and he said I could perform at their next show which is in about three weeks. He was also telling me that he would take me to LA to all of the shows and open mics around there.
Also I got a boy (ok my friend) to buy me a beer. I didn’t have to show my pubes or anything!!