July 2010
43 posts
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Human Centipede
At a very early hour on Tuesday morning I direct messaged some of my favorite twatters and asked them this question, “What two people would you choose if you were forced to be in a Human Centipede? It’s only cause I’m curious not perverted.” Here are the answers I received (all names are protected because I care):
“I’d chose you and a clone version of...
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Watchsteveagee:
Hey you guys, do you like couches and parties? Well then please enjoy “Couch Party.” Ellen Page, Rich Fulcher and myself are the hosts. Sadly the show was canceled after only one episode because I forgot to focus the camera.
** ps - believe it or not, this is a drug free recording! **
I miss Couch Party already.
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No standards BJ. Getting naked in the backseat.
Working on my stand-up and I saw that written at the bottom of the page in my notebook. I wish I had a clue as to what I was trying to write.
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I was raped.
By my college and their ridiculous fees. I don’t know about you guys but $389 is A LOT for someone who is just a part time cashier. HOLY SHITSKI. And that’s just the fees and parking permit. This doesn’t include books. Which will probably be the same amount, possibly more. Also, I have to pay for my union dues and give my parents $200 for my cell phone bill, insurance and...
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I have $25 credit to itunes.
What should I buy? What are some good bands?
davids-tumblr asked: I’m not sure if you’ve noticed this, but I’ve been tweeting you my “Daily song.” Since you’re following me on Tumblr, do you still want me to do this?
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coeurdesfeuilles asked: Trrrraaaaaacy
I was reading the "texts between friends" about Precious
and they actually did put the bit where Precious has to masturbate her mother. well, they alluded to it.
js.
I was reading the "texts between friends" about Precious
and they actually did put the bit where Precious has to masturbate her mother. well, they alluded to it.
js.
Let's keep our freakouts for important things.
I went to the Largo again on Friday and you would think the highlight of my evening would be seeing Louis C.K. kill it on stage or talking to Sarah afterwards, backstage, while she offers me a “grandma asshole cookie”. (I licked it and it tasted like cereal because I knew you were all wondering.) But no, the best and craziest part of my night was before the show even started. Most of...
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Anonymous asked: Hey! I just wanted to share this video with you and see if (maybe) it's blog worthy! It would fit so beautifully on your blog. Magnificently even!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G94-Z4RDLzs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G94-Z4RDLzs
Anonymous asked: When you think of Oprah's BM, do you think of it as little bitty pieces or...
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Texts Between Friends
Me: PRECIOUS’ DAD RAPED HER
Dylan:Oh I know it’s awful…But you know what’s hilarious?! Her mother brought him to her for rape!
Me: *Her mom also made precious masturbate her! isnt that sweet!
Dylan: It’s the cutest!
Me: Why can’t our moms be that considerate?
Dylan: I know! I want a down syndrome baby! Me: I want two!
*The night before Dylan told me...
davids-tumblr asked: Are you in college? What's your Major?
Message To Tracy Marquez
steinbolt1:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/gallagher-is-a-paranoid-right-wing-watermelon-smashing-maniac/Content?oid=4357855
After reading this article, I suggest you close your first stand-up act by taking a large mallet and smashing Gallagher’s head into tiny pieces. Remember to hand out those clear plastic covers for the audience.
The people who act the most homophobic are usually...
davids-tumblr asked: Well, Tracy, Lindsay Lohan has been sentenced to jail. What are you going to do during these 90 long day? Me, I'm going to paint film posters of all the movies she was in on my ceiling. I hope you and I can get through this.
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lancesays asked: i'm sure somebody already told you where to find those grape soda pins. however, if no one has, you can find them the fairfax flea market, which happens every sunday in LA. you can also get them made into necklaces as opposed to pins and they have several different kinds. hope this helps. ps, you're hilarious. i heard about you via sarah silverman's twitter. i live across the street...
Wes Anderson Day
“They’ll never catch me cause I’m fucking innocent!”-Bottle Rocket
“I think you just gotta find something you love to do, and then do it for the rest of your life.”-Rushmore
“Dudley where is he?” “Who?”-The Royal Tenebaums
I watched these three movies back to back because I was on my period and didn’t want to see anyone.
jessicamaehendrickson asked: Hey, I'm definitely still planning on doing that Rushmore drawing. I just need to watch it again first. It's been a while. I'm waiting on it from Netflix, so it looks like I might not get to it this week. Just didn't want you to think I forgot, dawg.
davids-tumblr asked: How's the standup going? Any youtube vids?
To Samantha:
I tried replying to that post but it wouldn’t let me. Then I tried sending a message and it wouldn’t let me. So as you can see I decided to just do it this openly public way. First off that was one of the nicest posts I have ever read, seriously. I might even print it out and put it on the fridge like I sometimes still do with my essays from college. Second, of course I have a Facebook...
noonewould asked: i'm so thankful i can always count on you to "like"
pretty much my favorite things that i post
i mean sure i like to post naked guys
and "cool photograph's"
so that i can be wildly popular because tumblr is lyke life.
but you like the weird illustrations i find and the funny things and the fabulous people i post, and for...
pretty much my favorite things that i post
i mean sure i like to post naked guys
and "cool photograph's"
so that i can be wildly popular because tumblr is lyke life.
but you like the weird illustrations i find and the funny things and the fabulous people i post, and for...
davids-tumblr asked: Judging by your recent tweets, it sounds like you really fuckin' loved/hated the new "Twilight" film. Well, it turns out that the people behind the movie read your tweets and decide that "you" should write and direct the next one. What will the fourth "Twilight" film be about?
