April 2010
33 posts
I hate puking.
And I know what you’re thinking, “so does everybody else, stupid” but I bet you right now if you go tell a 13 year old girl that she looks fat you will hear within the next 15 minutes her dinner making its way from her mouth hole to the water inside the toilet. Either that or you’re thinking “I hope they make fun of the movie Precious during tonight’s SNL”...
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Fashion Questions #1
My friend is a fashion major and needed some questions answered for her project so she posted a note on Facebook and tagged me in it. All I wear are T-shirts and jeans so here are my answers:
1. How old are you? 63 2. What is a must-have basic in your wardrobe? Jockstraps 3. What is a specific feature you look for when shopping for clothing? Furry Jockstraps 4. Do you wear cardigan sweaters?...
Stuff my friends have said when they were high
“Don’t put on Kanye it hurts my ears”
“Wait what does fish taste like again?”
“I hate Kanye West. If I had to choose from him and Chamillionaire I would chose Kanye.”
“We are all humans. We all have bellybuttons from that monkey that stood upright.”
“Oh my god did you hear what I just said? I said, ‘Don’t do that scary...
tallfreak asked: Oral or Anal?
Craziest thing your dad has ever told you?
Ok my sister was no help and my dad says crazy funny stuff all of the time so I’ll go with something crazy serious:
When I was little my family were the only ones who lived in Rancho at the time and everyone else lived in Walnut in my grandparents house. It was a real treat going over there, especially when it wasn’t a holiday or someones birthday because they lived “far...
wiigz asked: Everytime I do it, nobody asks me questions hahaha
So I'll ask you one... you follow my Abby Elliott blog so
1.Thank You
2. Why?
3. Favourite snl host this season?
So I'll ask you one... you follow my Abby Elliott blog so
1.Thank You
2. Why?
3. Favourite snl host this season?
Anonymous asked: Craziest thing your dad has ever told you?
bottleofyourfavoritepoison asked: I want to know...how did this whole aspiring comedian thing pan out for you? How did you manage to get the attention of Sarah Silverman? Did it just happen out of nowhere? And of course, who could forget your immense Twitter popularity, Trace! Hahaha. No matter what happens, don't forget about the little people from the ! group. LOLOLOL oh God I nearly forgot about that shit.
You guys can ask me questions. I usually refrain... →
“You have got to be kidding me.”
– Those were the exact words I said when I puked up my coffee AGAIN while brushing my teeth. WHAT A WASTE OF $4.
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Virgin Records Thief
When I was 17 I made the fucking stupid mistake of stealing from Virgin Records and yes I did get caught. I won’t get into the details but I wanted to share my favorite part of this terrible experience. (I think it’s kind of weird that I have a favorite part anyways because this moment was one of the first things that triggered my depression) Anyways! This was at the mall so I had to...
Girl: Do you know what I'm thinking about?
Guy: Anal sex?
Girl: Oh my god! How did you know?!
Guy: Can you believe that was just my first guess?
*Every once in a while my brain comes up with dialogue to nothing I was writing.
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My Favorite TWATTERS
47 people you should be stalking:
1) @Ahm76 When I was four, I wanted to have sex with Michael McDonald. And by “have sex,” I mean, “stare hard at his privates.” http://twitter.com/Ahm76
2) @amyschumer With friends like these who need aids http://twitter.com/amyschumer
3) @anthonyjeselnik I’m getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn’t gotten her period. And...
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PODCASTS
I used think Podcasts were fucking lame and stupid because on paper it sounds kind of dumb but when someone sent me a link to Marc Marons WTF podcast I loved it but never followed through with listening to anymore. Then later on I met Greg Fitzsimmons at one of Sarah’s shows and before we left he told my friends and I to check out his podcast that he did that night before the show with...
“I’m writing a screenplay titled, “Schindler’s List 2:...”
– Zach Galifianakis
46 Tracks
I made a playlist of songs that remind me of my friends either because we sing the songs a lot or it brings up a memory we shared together. Fuck you I’m being sentimental. Here’s the list:
1. April March-Chick Habit
2. Black Lips-Bad Kids
3. The Blood Brothers-Love Rhymes with Hideous Car Wreck
4. Bright Eyes-First Day of My Life
5. The Flaming Lips-Do You Realize?
6. Frankie...
“It would be: www.tracymarquez/isawesome/whatwhaaaaaaaa/backslash.com And it...”
– me on the name of the url of my future website. 