If you live with me for 20 years my sarcasm blows past you
- Mom: Tracy where did you go?
- Me: None of your business
- Mom: Tracy where did you go?
- Me: PLANNED PARENTHOOD
- Mom: Do you want some soup?
January 2010
43 posts
Sometimes I'm funnier on the second try
- Stephanie: Trace! You're my Valentine this year.
- Me: GROSS! Wait, say that again.
- Stephanie: Trace! You're my Valentine this year.
- Me: BARF!
- Me: Dylan are you masturbating right now?
- Dylan: NO!
- *10 Seconds later dylan tells me to turn around and he's fake masturbating. We go through this every time we hang out. We hang out A LOT.
My dad gets me
- Sister: Why did you interview Dad?
- Me: It's for my essay.
- Dad: She has to write about someone who's handsome & funny
- Me: No! I have to write about someone who's an old washed up loser!
- Dad: HAHAHAHA
If you watch SNAKES ON A PLANE edited on FX you will hear Samuel L. say, “I’ve had it with these monday through friday snakes on this monday through friday plane!”
I almost peed my pants 3 times last night
1) My friend was reading a question that originally said, “After having 3 drinks…” but what she read and what’s obviously on her mind, “After having sex…” And then my friend Dylan tells her, “Kristin! What the hell? The words 3 drinks and sex don’t even look the same!”
2) Later we watched Machine Girl, ever seen it? Here’s the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSpCWJnnWVI
3) Then my friend Dylan took off all of his clothes and went streaking in his neighborhood. (no one dared him he just did it).
Alternate Titles To The Show: 16 & Pregnant
16 and Planned Parenthood was full
16 and Holy fucking shit the stick turned pink now I can’t go to prom
16 and I thought it was a food baby
16 and Slutty
16 and I can’t close my legs
16 and A dumbfuck
16 and I don’t know what a condom is
16 and Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!
16 and Is it too late to have an abortion?
Once when I was little before my family and I headed out to Disneyland my mother called me into her room. I went in and she told me to put these strange objects in my shoes. Being still young and naive I ask her, “What are these?” My mother starts to smile and says, “They help you get taller” I nodded my head in agreement because that’s what they did and why would they be for any other purpose? I’m short now so imagine when I was little? I needed at least an extra inch to get on all of the “big” rides. But what was this foreign object that my own mother had me wear? Well it was feminine pads of course. Kotex or Stayfree? I can’t quite remember but I do appreciate the fact that she risked my own life just so I could ride Space Mountain.
